clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Useless, Unsuccessful, or Unpopular Player Nicknames: Andrew Jacobson Edition

On this bye-week Friday, we're gonna have some fun: every NYCFC player needs a nickname, especially Andrew Jacobson. Here are the ones that didn't make the cut.

USA TODAY Sports-Avi Gerver

It took forever.

But we finally found it.

Andrew Jacobson isn't exactly a star man -- he's been left unprotected by a current club and selected in an MLS Expansion Draft on two separate occasions -- but his industriousness and downright ferocity boast no small amount of merit. Damn it, the guy deserves a good nickname. And we found it.

The 4 Train.

*Angelic trumpeting is heard*

Yes! The man is a living, breathing bullet of rumblin'-bumblin'-stumblin' inertia, ready and willing to bulldoze opposing pipsqueaks into pancakes of existential shame with little or no warning.

But we didn't arrive at this nickname overnight. As with many jobs worth doing, we had to fail before we succeeded.

The following is the master list of potential A.J. nicknames left on the cutting room floor:

  • Justice
  • Ol' Blood'n'Guts
  • White Vieira
  • The Stabaek Stabber
  • Hot Pants
  • Andrew Dice Cray
  • The Pill
  • The Berkeley Brawler
  • The Berkeley Brahma
  • Boner
  • The Berkeley Boner
  • I-Am-Become-Death
  • The Subway Pizza Rat
  • The JZA
  • Handy Andy
  • Handy Bobandy
  • The Jewish Yaya
  • Thrashinista
  • The Freedom Tower
  • Boy Keane
  • The Chundertaker
  • Boogie Cousins
  • Full Metal Foul-chemist
  • The Prequel
  • The Shank
  • Heisenberg
  • The Girth
  • The Jewish Naismith
  • Cooter
  • Raggedy Andrew
  • The Murderer
  • Ol' Swingin' Dick
  • The Second Shooter
  • Big Sexy
  • Medium Sexy
  • The Theory
  • The Axiom
  • The Postulate
  • Mad Dog
  • And Glory
  • Injun Joe
  • The Jewish Injun Joe
  • Patsy
  • The Kickpuncher
  • The Rocktagon
  • The Cocktagon (NOTE: IN REFERENCE TO A MALE CHICKEN ONLY)
  • We Promise
  • Pain Train
  • Straight Red
  • Newman's Own
  • The Virus
  • Kip
  • The Complication
  • Stones
  • The Crusades
  • The Father
  • Not-the-father
  • The Bruhssassin
  • Thunder Road
  • Chunder Road
  • The Sightless Eye
  • Guantanamo
  • God's Balls
  • Mandrew