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Be advised: you must be THIS TALL to ride the Transfer Tilt-a-Whirl.
Two rumors arose from Italy's Sport Mediaset concerning everyone's favorite deep-lying playmaker:
(1) "Arriva un'altra indiscrezione sul futuro di Andrea Pirlo. A Torino ieri è andato in scena l'ultimo giorno di scuola. Nel salutare i compagni di squadra, Angela, la secondagenita del centrocampista della Juventus, ha svelato il futuro del padre: ha detto che lo seguirà negli Stati Uniti insieme alla sua nuova compagna, Valentina Baldini."
Americanese version: On the last day of school in Turin, Pirlo's daughter, Angela, told her classmates that her daddy is going to New York with his new lady-friend. Because why not?
(2) "Un investimento per il futuro? Andrea Pirlo ha comprato una casa a New York, precisamente nel quartiere Tribeca. Il centrocampista ama gli Stati Uniti e sul piatto c'è anche un'offerta monstre proprio dei New York City da 12 milioni di euro a stagione. Pirlo ci sta pensando e non avrebbe neanche il problema di cercare casa... La Juventus attende una decisione del regista entro il 20 giugno."
Americanese version: Pirlo loves America, and bought a house in the ritzy Tribeca neighborhood in Manhattan. New York City has offered him a wage of €12 million per year, with an official announcement coming no later than June 20th. Because why not?
Well.
Let's be clear: this is a mess, and nobody knows anything. Is New York City still the odds-on favorite to sign Pirlo if he leaves Juventus? Probably, yes. But this is the Silly Season. And when you touch the Silly, the Silly touches you back.
The €12 million figure is especially silly. That equates to about 13.5 million dollars, which is almost twice the wage of Sebastian Giovinco and more than twice that of David Villa. It's not as if City Football Group can't afford it -- they definitely can! They pay Yaya Toure around $17 million per year, and he's a nutcase! -- but the figure is completely out of left field.
These are rumors, not reports. We share them because it's fun. Lean into the Silly Season, folks. Don't try to resist.
Because why not?