LET ME BE FRANK (and Andrea!) -- Catching up with Lampard, Pirlo, & NYCFC in FIFA 15

Andrea Pirlo is good in real life. He is also good in fake life:

Honestly, I'm proud of myself for ripping this.

Who wants to touch me? Five bucks.

...

Indeed, just as the authentic New York City FC's outlook has changed substantially with the arrival of tireless goal-jockey Frank Lampard and long-ball condottiere Pirlo, so have their fortunes changed in the video game world. It comes down to this: NYCFC is way, way more fun to play with now.

So, let's take a look at the full lineup. For reference, we're playing the PlayStation 4 version on "Professional" difficulty, updated as of 9 July 2015:

I apologize for the acute squinting I just foisted upon you liberally. Let's go through this in a much less painful manner-- I want to compare the current ratings of New York City's players compared to their original rating upon the team's original addition to the game back in March ("n/a" applies to all players not on NYCFC's roster at that time):

We all know Villa well, so he's not on here-- he started with an 80 and he still has one.

We're still awaiting the additions of Andoni Iraola and Jose Angel "Angelino" Tasende. The former holds an 80 rating, and the latter a 54.

We ran two simulations using this new, spiffy crew: the first ended 1-0 in favor of New York City, and the second produced a 2-2 draw.

My New York City side did include Pirlo, who won't actually enter the squad until July 21st, but my decision was counterbalanced by the presence of Michael Bradley and Jozy Altidore for Toronto. Those two American heroes are absent in Real Actual Life thanks to the CONCACAF Gold Cup.

Go crazy, folks! You've got a couple of new toys to play with. Go ahead, be Jason Kreis! Put on your best "I don't want to be here" face and live the life of a New York City manager!

On that note, we'll leave you with this. A sign of things to come, perhaps?