Let me tell you how it goes here in the big city
There ain’t no mercy and there ain’t no pity
And everywhere you turn there are hundreds of humans
All opening the door saying 'Hello, Newman.'
Titus Andronicus -- "Lonely Boy" (2015)
Two demoralizing derby defeats against the hated Red Bulls. A devastating, deflating Open Cup loss to the nearby Cosmos. Yes, it's been a lonesome run for New York's newest team when the neighbors are involved.
Titus Andronicus, who relocated to Brooklyn from Bergen County, New Jersey, is the kind of band that could assemble a fitting soundtrack for the most lamentable tragedy that is New York City's continued inability to take care of its local business. Just take a look at some of the song titles on their new album, which dropped on July 28th, and tell me that they don't encapsulate NYCFC's ongoing malaise with frightening accuracy:
- Track 1, "The Angry Hour" -- the time last weekend during which NYC fans had to tolerate Ned Grabavoy while Mix Diskerud and Kwadwo Poku idled on the bench.
- Track 3, "Stranded (On My Own)" -- when David Villa gets so lonely from lack of service up top that he ends up tracking way, way back to gather the ball.
- Track 5, "I Lost My Mind" -- when Mehdi Ballouchy or R.J. Allen are on the field.
- Track 13, "More Perfect Union" -- when New York City loses to Philadelphia.
- Track 18, "Fatal Flaw" -- when you realize that the number of players who actually defend on this team is about as low as Ben Carson's standing in the polls.
- Track 23, "I'm Going Insane (Finish Him)" -- when you watch NYCFC take 58% of possession and lose so many times that you have to commit to an inpatient therapy program that won't even allow you to check your MLS fantasy team due to the sheer instability it creates in your life.
- Track 25, "Into the Void" -- when you get on the PATH train to the Dirty Jerz.
"Your bullshit is your bullshit. Keep it your bullshit."