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New York City FC dismantles Jacksonville University 9-0 in first scrimmage

Yeah, ya know...

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

We won’t belabor any of this, folks: NYCFC took on the mighty Dolphins of Jacksonville University tonight. There were eight different goalscorers. The visitors won by a score of nine goals to nil.

We have but one single issue with Jon’s tweet: is there any 9-0 win that isn’t great? Like, come on, pick a more descriptive descriptor, dood.

OK, so here’s whom we can confirm to have started the game:

DEF: Ronald Matarrita, Ethan White, Shannon Gomez

MID: James Sands, Andrea Pirlo, John Stertzer

FWD: Jonathan Lewis, David Villa, Jalen Brown

We can’t confirm who played in goal. We’re guessing Sean Johnson based on this tweet, but we don’t know for sure as of yet. The fact is that Jacksonville didn’t put a lot of pressure on New York City between the sticks.

With the second half came an entirely new XI. We can confirm:

DEF: Maxime Chanot (who apparently played some defensive mid)

MID: Roberto Louima, Tommy McNamara, Kwame Awuah

FWD: Jack Harrison, Sean Okoli, Khiry Shelton

Again, there’s no known video of this match, so we can’t fill in any of the blanks. But hey! Here’s who scored:

Stertzer 5’ (assist Pirlo)

White 7’

Brown 21’ (assist Pirlo)

Villa 32’ (scissor kick; assist Gomez)

Villa 34’ (PEN)

Lewis “before the half”

Awuah 49’

Harrison 77’ (assist Awuah)

Louima 79’ (assist Shelton)

Aaaaaaaand that’s nine!

New York City’s first official friendly — ain’t nobody calling this 9-0 smash’n’grabby disemboweling anything of the sort — is coming at 8pm ET this Wednesday, February 5th, against CS Emelec in Ecuador. The match will be streamed live on Stay tuned!