- Andrea Pirlo will be listed as questionable on the injury report and will not play
- Jonathan Lewis will score the opening goal
- Kemar Lawrence red card
- Aurelien Collin retirement
- A rare Shannon Gomez sighting. Quick, take a picture!
- Jesse Marsch will weep to Elliott Smith’s Either/Or before the game
- !!!JAMES SANDS!!! will make the team sheet
- “I just miss Elliott so much, and also the refs will be unfair probably” Marsch will say to the Newark Star-Ledger
- Of David Villa, Maxi Moralez, Jack Harrison, and Alex Ring, three will play and two will start.
- While streaming the game on NYCFC.com from his dank sub-basement in Mendocino, Tom Waits will compose a parody song entitled “Get Behind the Muyl”
- The Red Bulls will not score in the second half
- Tyler Adams will defect
- The Empire State Building will wear a giant Ugo Okoli wig
- Luis Robles will miss the game looking for his misplaced vape pen
- Frederic Brillant will score on a header; 50-50 chance it’s an own goal
- Patrick Vieira will pump up NYCFC with pre-match screening of Paid in Full
- Red Bulls will watch Corky Romano (director’s cut)
- Ronald Matarrita will receive Man of the Match honors
- New York City will win in extra time off the boot of Tommy McNamara
- Vieira will pass Marsch in the pregame tunnel and whisper, “I must break you”
NYCFC vs. New York Red Bulls: 20 Shameless Predictions for the US Open Cup
Literally all of these things are going to occur.