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12 things NYCFC fans need to know about Minnesota United

Don’t be unprepared Thursday night.

Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports
  1. They sit ninth in the Western Conference, four points back of the red line.
  2. They play home games at a college venue called TCF Bank Stadium. “TCF” stands for “That Cold F—er.”
  3. Minnesota United’s 38 goals allowed is the worst mark in MLS. Only one other team in the league has conceded more than 28.
  4. Their manager is known among the Free Folk as “The Lord of Bones.”
  5. Christian Ramirez (9) and Kevin Molino (5) have contributed 58% of Minnesota’s 24 league goals this year.
  6. United players secretly love it when opponents poke the little circle on their kit sponsor logo and say, “boop!”
  7. Despite their overall defensive struggles, Minnesota have conceded more than two goals in a game just twice since the opening month of the season.
  8. Goalkeeper Bobby Shuttleworth was Ray Allen’s younger brother in He Got Game.
  9. Their roster contains zero designated players.
  10. On goal differential, Minnesota trails NYCFC by 25.
  11. Two of their five wins are against teams in current playoff positions: Sporting KC and Orlando City.
  12. It is said in the North that “the Thenns hate the Hornfoots, the Hornfoots hate the Ice-river clans, [and] everyone hates the cave people.” That’s why it took so long for United’s MLS bid to go through— but it did.