A week ago, we had a hardy chuckle over rumor mill reportage from England’s talksport and France’s RMC about Ligue 1 outfit St. Etienne fancying the managerial services of one Patrick Vieira. The rumors arrived with little validity to back them up, but Vieira himself felt them good for a laugh.
As the manager said this week:
Of course I will stay here. I set out on a long-term project with New York City.
The only thing is you can’t control reports from journalists. The thing is that it is a really interest project and I am into it. I love every single day of it. Speculation is part of our world and I get used to it.
(h/t New York Post)
Hip hop hooray! The big man is staying a while longer! If you’ve poked around the interwebtubes recently, you’ve read as much from a dozen different outlets. But what you haven’t read until now is the authentic, core reason for Vieira’s unwillingness to leave the Five Boroughs just yet:
He’s forming a rap duo with LL Cool J.
(Seriously, skip ahead to 15:46. It’s all there. Just picture the gaffer in a kangol!)
The fact that Patrick Vieira can rap is the biggest open secret in recent NYCFC history. The man has bars. He wrote the first draft of the original screenplay to Paid in Full. He taught Rahzel how to beatbox. He’s Lil Yachty’s father.
It’s no surprise, then, that LL would seek him out directly.
Yeah, he’s not going to France, people.
The big question is this: what would a Vieira-LL hip hop duo be called? We’re in an age when duos and groups are a fading practice in the world of rap music; nobody wants to share the money. (Due respect to Gang Starr, UGK, and Juicy J & Katy Perry, but it’s a pretty shrewd business practice to do the A$AP Mob thing and never share the byline with anyone. Ca-ching.)
Run the Jewels has shown in recent years, however, that a certain rarefied synergy can be the very essence of a compelling brand in the annals of boom and bap. So— what are these guys gonna call themselves when it comes time to put tracks on wax? Here are several suggestions.
PROPOSED PATRICK VIEIRA—LL COOL J RAP DUO NAMES
- Bigger & Gaffer
- Deep Bleu Sea
- 14 Shots to l’Homme
- Jeru the Manaja
- Quite & Really
- Boyz Deux Men
- Ref Jam
- Kangols & Assists
- Ladies Love Cool Names
- Mobb DP
EDITOR’S NOTE: We made this story up, but we also cannot yet prove that it isn’t true.