• Player Rating: 7.0
• Stream: Netflix
• Running Time: 4 episodes, 52 to 60 minutes each
• Audience: Ages 11 and Older
The docuseries takes us back to the wild days of Chuck Blazer, the morbidly obese FIFA Executive Committee member who allegedly received $15 million in bribes, didn’t pay taxes for 14 years, and famously rented two apartments in Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue: One for him and girlfriend Mary Lynn Blanks, one for his cats. He became an FBI informant, which in turn led to the 2015 raid of a luxurious Swiss hotel in which 14 members of the Executive Committee were arrested. But the FIFA of today is more corrupt than ever, which makes FIFA Uncovered look more than a little naive.
Some documentaries should come with a sell-by date.
Case in point: FIFA Uncovered, the 2022 series now streaming on Netflix. The four episodes look at dirty dealings within FIFA, and a leadership so corrupt that 14 members of the Executive Committee were arrested in an early morning raid at a luxurious Swiss hotel in 2015. Former FIFA president Sepp Blatter was never charged with a crime, but the once-untouchable kingmaker was forced to resign.
But the docuseries ends on the optimistic note that FIFA could be cleaned up under new president Gianni Infantino. That belief in Infantino comes across as recklessly naive today: The back-slapping bribes facilitated by Blatter more than ten years ago have metastasized into far more nefarious back-room dealings under Infantino. The FIFA of today is more slimy than ever.
Mary Lynn Blanks: A star turn
This makes FIFA Uncovered something like a period piece, a look back at the clownish Blatter and the even more absurd Chuck Blazer, the morbidly obese FIFA Executive Committee member who allegedly received more than $15 million in bribes, and who didn’t pay taxes for 14 years. Blazer famously rented two apartments in Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue, one for himself and one for his cats.
Reliving those days is a wild ride, even if we know how it turns out. That’s because FIFA Uncovered gets Mary Lynn Blanks, Blazer’s longtime companion, to speak at length about their relationship, and his dealings.
They met in 1973, when she was a model and he was putting together an ad campaign for Seagram’s. We learn about their lavish junkets, and their meetings with Queen Elizabeth, Nelson Mandela, and Vladimir Putin. We also learn that Blazer was abusive, and once beat Blanks until she was bloodied.
Her role in FIFA Uncovered reveals much about Blazer: She knew him inside out. She tells us how Blazer became an FBI informant, but that when he tried to wear a wire the adhesives couldn’t stick to his large, sweaty body. (He was given a keychain with a microphone instead.)
But her claim that she didn’t fully understand the corrupt nature of his FIFA dealings seems willfully ignorant. Did she really think the two of them could live like royalty on the $200,000 annual salary he earned from the Executive Committee? Sometimes, you need a few blind spots to be able to get through the day.
One ring to rule them all
Did the team behind FIFA Uncovered also choose not to see that Blatter wasn’t to blame for the organization’s failure? It wasn’t Blatter who corrupted FIFA, it was FIFA that corrupted those who rose through its ranks.
The presidency of FIFA is like the One Ring of international sports, a force so evil and powerful that it transforms whoever possesses it.
Right now, that person is Infantino. The former Secretary General of UEFA, Infantino was a member of FIFA’s Reform Committee before standing for president after Blatter’s resignation. He was going to clean house.
Instead, FIFA is dirtier than before. Under Blatter, the FIFA World Cup was awarded through rigged votes held in public; under Infantino, they’re handed out in backroom meetings that are then announced after the fact. Infantino didn’t stamp out Blatter’s malfeasance, he learned from it.
While it might be unfair to hold FIFA Uncovered responsible for what happened after the docuseries was released, it’s ridiculous to pretend that time stopped once the filmmakers locked in the final edit.
Maybe they’ll keep that in mind when they release FIFA Uncovered 2: The Infantino Years.
