• Player Rating: 6.0
• Stream: Amazon Prime
• Length: 4 episodes, 35-42 mins each
• Audience: Ages 13 and Older
This four-episode portrait of failure is strictly for soccer fanatics who will consume all things football, and Germanophiles who can’t get enough of Teutonic culture: If you want to spend some time staring into the ice-blue eyes of Hansi Flick while he processes in real time that his team is being soundly outplayed by Japan, this series is for you. The rest of us might want to take a moment to consider if watching die nationalmannschaft unravel in the gilded cages that were the practice facilities and luxury hotels of Qatar is our idea of fun night at home.
The German national football team are many things, but lovable isn’t one of them. Die nationalmannschaft, as the kids say, are impressive, imposing, and one of the most successful teams in the history of international soccer. But they don’t bring out the warm fuzzies even in their most devoted fans.
That makes the latest installment of the All or Nothing franchise a heavy lift even before you press play: Do you really want to spend time watching Joshua Kimmich and Kai Havertz trying to find that extra gear? Maybe it’s the kombucha talking, but a two-minute woodworking TikTok speaks more to the human condition than Manuel Neuer telling his teammates they need to play harder if they are to win.
You have to wonder why Amazon Studios chose to embed with Germany for the duration of the 2022 FIFA World Cup, and why Germany agreed. Not much was expected of the Germans during that World Cup: They didn’t have the sizzle of France, the talent of Brazil, or the glamour of England. As we all know, it was the passion and brilliance of the Argentines that carried them to the winner’s podium. At the risk of stating the obvious, that’s a series you wish you could stream.
No such luck: This edition of All of Nothing is about a pretty good team that found a way to crash out in the group stage. Which makes this four-episode series an examination of failure. That in itself isn’t a reason not to watch. The All or Nothings about Brazil (2020), Tottenham Hotspur (2020), Juventus (2021), and Arsenal (2022) were portraits of teams that came up short, but the struggles and triumphs of those more sympathetic subjects made for good drama. You wanted Mikel Arteta to make it work at Arsenal, and you couldn’t keep your eyes off the car crash that was José Mourinho’s tenure at Tottenham Hotspur. It’s hard to feel as invested when looking into the ice-blue eyes of Germany’s then-head coach Hansi Flick.
All or Nothing: the German National Team in Qatar | Official Trailer
That said, there are a few payoffs for making it through this series.
For one, you get to watch the spectacular underdog story of Niclas Füllkrug unfold: Then with Werder Bremen in 2. Bundesliga, the snaggletoothed 29-year-old striker made his national team debut shortly before the start of the tournament. Füllkrug scored two goals in three substitute appearances in Germany’s doomed World Cup campaign, including an opportunistic 83′ blast against Spain that salvaged a 1-1 draw and momentarily brought hope to the squad. You want him to succeed, in part because he upends the strict hierarchy of die nationalmannschaft.
Füllkrug has since gone on to score 10 goals for the national team in 13 appearances. Well done.
For another, you get a behind-the-scenes look at the absurdity of holding the World Cup in Qatar. Germany’s training facility is built like a fortress, with towering rust-colored walls protecting the immaculate grass from wind, sand, and prying eyes. It was so hot that all practices took place at night, and the strong lighting made the players look slightly inhuman.
But it was the organizers who lacked humanity. The team was scheduled to hold a press conference the day after a crushing defeat to Japan, and the event was held at a hall that was a 130-mile round-trip drive from the team’s base camp. Flick decided to attend the conference without any players in violation of FIFA rules, and the All or Nothing camera crew went along for the ride.
By directly speaking to the absurdity of requiring an athlete to sit in a car for three hours when they should be recovering after the game and preparing for the upcoming match against Spain, Flick implicitly spoke to the ridiculousness of holding the World Cup in a country where air-conditioned stadia, training facilities, hotels, and roads were plopped down in the desert like billion-dollar toys left on the beach.
Germany was fined €10,000 by FIFA for Flick’s decision. Maybe die nationalmannschaft is a little bit lovable after all.
